Welcome to the My Blog. Here. Have Some Depression.

 

I pretty much blew off the blog thing for March. S'been a rough past few weeks. Dad's got the big 'C' - multiple myeloma, they tell us - and I haven't had the inspiration to write much of anything. I did manage to get down about 500 words for a story I've had percolating in the ol' noggin, but I was so consumed with the thought of losing my dad that my train of thought derailed Amtrak-style, and crashed and burned before I wrote anything of substance. 

 

Yep, these are dark days, but, being the sort of fellow I am (ie; both quasi religious and heavily medicated), I'm coming to grips with the fact that my father's time here may be soon coming to an end and that, when he does go, it will be to a far better place; one where my mother will be waiting with a gin and tonic and a wry smile and saying "See? I told you you couldn't live without me!"

 

Yeah, THAT Was a Productive Month!

Wow, sorry about that. Really, I am. I didn't realize it'd been so long since I last blogged (or, for that matter, wrote anything other than movie reviews, period). You see, while I masquerade as a writer, I'm actually a web designer/SEO geek, and, as Aldo says in Inglourious Basterds, "Bidness is a boomin'." Had a few projects to get done and, before I knew it, it was almost March! Zoiks!! 

 

So what have I been up to? I mean, besides being up to my eyeballs in PHP, CSS, SEO, ADD, DDT, and, on occasion, good ol' fashioned THC? Well, not a whole heckuva lot. I think I burned out my retinas from staring at the computer screen for 18 hours a day, and I've been managing about four hours of sleep a night. In the "dead time", I've watched a few movies, including the surprisingly depressing "2012" (spoiler: everybody dies), and the surprisingly not-a-steaming-pile-of-feces, "Sorority Row". Of course, at my age, I welcome the chance to look at nubile young women in lingerie any time I can, so the film could have literally been two hours of just that and I would've given it thumbs up.

 

Yes, 40 is a miserable age. Too old to be taken seriously by women, too young for them to give me sponge baths. 

 

Blogstipation

 

Boy oh boy. It’s been over a week since I last blogged. I’ve been all stopped up, you see. The ideas for these teeny, tiny little nuggets of nothingness have come to me at the most inopportune moments; moments when I can’t simply stop everything and let them out. No. I’ve been forced to hold them in, and, well, we all know what happens when you hold it in.

 

You become Blogstipated.

 

Avatar and the Death of Fun

I hate 3-D. There;  I said it. I think 3-D is a tiresome gimmick that wore out its welcome in the 1950s, re-reared its ugly head in the 1980s, and then vanished yet again before resurfacing in its "new and improved" polarized form in the noughties. I've seen a few of the films that have boasted this new, cutting-edge style of 3-D, and to them I say Boo!  There's nothing new or cutting edge about giving me a migraine, especially when said effects come at the expense of anything remotely resembling a good story or tasteful direction. Then again, how much thought can one put into a story when so much thought is put into things like eyeballs shooting out of the screen, people walking around with sharp gardening implements and poking them into the camera, and myriad CGI beasties spitting, kicking, throwing, and spewing various things into the audience's general direction. It's gimmick filmmaking at its worst and, thanks to the "success" of Avatar (more on that in a bit), Hollywood hasn't just drunken the Kool Aid; they've stripped down to their rhinestone thongs and thoroughly immersed themselves in it, with Avatar director, James Cameron - the Jim Jones of 3-D - looking down upon them from a mountain of cash.

Zombies and Game Shows and Dystopia Oh My...

Yay! I just approved the final edits to an upcoming story that will be appearing in the Dark Futures anthology coming out this spring from Dark Quest Books. The story's called "Terra Tango 3", and is a satirical zombie story set in a post-Armageddon dystopia in which the less-than-fortunate survivors of the zombie plague orbit the Earth in overcrowded ships, whilst their upper-class brethren inhabit cool new digs on the moon. As a way of controlling the population, the government and the television entity known as Network develop a game show called DEAD HEAT in which ten contestants are drawn from a lottery and forced to run the zombie-filled gauntlet of Manhattan. The winner (a rare occurrence) gets Lunar citizenship, a suitcase full of cash, and endorsement deals up the yin-yang. The losers...well...they get eaten.

Aliens and Predators Kill Things Good

 

I love me some Aliens, and I love me some Predators, and I certainly love me some wholesale violence -  the likes of which is on display in this extremely gory and glorious trailer for the new AVP game coming next month! It's things like this that make me really appreciate being a hopelessly immature and emotionally stunted adult male.  I remember playing the first AVP game on the Atari Jaguar way "back in the day", and it scared the bejeesus out of me. Tight, claustrophobic corridors, flickering lights, and the omnipresent threat of Alien and/or Predator attack around every corner. This 2010 iteration promises to make that game look positively benign by comparison, with massive amounts of carnage, ultra-realistic graphics, and a multitude of ways with which to dispatch your enemies. When I want a good scare, I'll be playing as the Colonial Marines, 'cause, let's face it, these guys are fucked from the word go. I mean, we're talking meatsacks with guns, here; not much of a threat against an endless horde of Xenos and Predators. However, when the day has been particularly cruel, I'll be sure to don the skin of an alien race...and, oh yes, I will have my revenge!

 

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